Sunday, January 24, 2010

I love CHAPSTICK, I do! Or am I having a stroke?

.....I mean I REALLY do! I am an addict. An addict of having smooth, never dry, always moisturized morning, noon and night lips! I carry some type of "chapstick" on me at all times. I have it in the car. diaper bag, kitchen drawers, bathroom, nightstand, pockets etc. OK I am sure you get it.

But just the other night in the wee hours of the morning, I felt it. The need for my sacred chapstick. My lips were sub par and something must be done. So in the pitch black off I slipped out of the bed feeling my way past the foot board so as to NOT do myself bodily harm. Feeling my way across the dresser, I find my ever worthy lip companion! "Awe, there you are!" I almost want to say. So off with the top and almost immediately my lips are at peace again!

Still in my dream, groggy state I feel my way back to the side of the bed...letting the rail lead me to MY side. I settle right back into sleep as if NEVER having been awake at all. (Perhaps that should have been my first inkling.)

Within about 4 1/2 lips are numb and the numbness is slowly working it's way down the bottom of my chin! What in the CRAP! "Oh, dear Lord (I was praying) I am having a stroke!" I am! I thought...I am having a flippin' facial stroke. What to do? I start feeling for my arms and moving my legs...oh, Lord I am freakin' drooling now! This is it. This is happening, I am haveing a stroke! Darn that homemade cheesecake I ate!

In the midst of flipping the 'frig senses are slowly coming to me...but still not my lip senses. I am now fully wake up and jump from the bed, only this time I DID in fact do myself bodily harm to the front of my thigh with the foot board of the bed. I quickly stumble across the room and I am sad to say, that while praying a few choice words were uttered. (Oh please, give me a little break I was having a flippin' facial stroke after all. Right?) SOOOOOO, I flip on the light and I am standing in front of the mirror, now blinded by the light I squint see myself...I am pinching my face and I can see my lips and chin, but I can't feel them!

WTH is going on? I try and start rationalizing the situation. Do I call 911? No you doof you ARE married to 911! Oh, yeah that's right. I run (which ain't pretty, lemme tell you) over to the dresser and get my phone...and sitting next my phone is my chapstick ans sitting next to my chapstick is a bottle of........Avon foot and heal cream with ANTISEPTIC (a nubbing freakin'agent) OINTMENT!

Yup, in my hast to have my lips feeling as they should (in the dark) I accidentally (while half asleep) mixed up the two tubes. Oops. Good news is. I was not having a facial stroke! Bad news: Even if my lips were chapped I wouldn't have felt it anyway


prechrswife said...

LOL! That is hilarious! :-)

Christy said...

ROFLMBO!! That was hysterical!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Dusty sent me here because... well... because maybe I might possibly do something like this! You know, perhaps. BwwwaaaaHaHaHaHaHa!

a Tonggu Momma said...

(Ask Dusty if you don't believe me.)

Mrs. Chief said...

@ Tonguu blog!

Kim said...

Oh, my! Too funny!